


With the dust of the stars in her eyes

by Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:33:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22147228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan/pseuds/Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan
Summary: The Doctor, Yaz, a ball, plots they never expected, an empire, rebels, and a love. What more do I need to say?A Cinderella inspired story
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiiii guys............
> 
> Wow, ok, this work has honestly been.... a work. I started this after finishing up my last long fic, Looking Out, Can't You See Forever, and thought hell yeah, ill bang this out and get this posted by the end of summer and itll be cute and fluffy and fun and.... needless to say, i think, but ive failed at all of that. technically, this still isnt finished. ive got like... two more chapters to write plus some heavy editing to do. this was sitting in my drafts for months tho, because school and work and shit and i had no motivation to finish it, and then the season came back on and i was like dude. you've got well over 30k words. the story is almost done. just fucking finish it and post it. so this is me, trying to finish it. i think for now, ill be posting like.... once a week? give me time to finish writing and editing and still keep on top of my winter classes. but obvs subject to change, and if you followed my last stories, you know im bad at sitting on stuff and i tend to publish early.
> 
> im going to warn you right now, this might get kinda heavy. it's rated m for a reason, and not the fun reason fics are usually rated m. but this kinda turned into a more adult type fic, thats for adults for a reason. im sorry. i wanted this to be fluff. instead it turned into commentary on society. im sorry. 
> 
> but anyways, i think ive talked enough. special shout outs to hetzi-clutch and wreckageofstars, who both gave me some really great advice about writing and the content and even a pintrest board for the ball. also special shout out to joli for being amazing. this is for you, joli. and without further ado, heres what ive affectionately been calling cinderella.
> 
> enjoy

“Alright there, Yaz?”

Yaz grinned at the Doctor.

“Better than alright,” she said. “This place is amazing. How’d you find it?”

“Oh, you know,” said the Doctor, waving a dismissive hand. “Been around for a while, I hear stuff. Like where the most spectacular waterfalls are. It’s Ciaturn, by the way”

“Well, you hit it on the head, Doc,” said Graham, gazing out over the gorge. 

Water roared in the background, rushing through the dizzyingly deep cut in the earth, kicking up spray into a stunning rainbow. Yaz closed her eyes, letting the drops of water mist her face, refreshingly cool against the beating of the sun. She could see for miles and miles from their perch on the edge of the canyon, the planet’s pale yellow sky stretching endlessly. 

“Are there any locals here, Doctor?” asked Ryan. He clambered down to sit on the edge of the cliff, letting his feet dangle into the air.

She shook her head. “Not really, no. Ciaturn is more of a resort than a place to live. Other than the local flora, we’re completely alone.”

“Brilliant.” Ryan stretched lazily and lay back to stare up at the sky. “Don’t really fancy having to run for our lives right now. It’s nice to be somewhere that no one needs rescuing or help. Take a break from all the adventure for once.”

“Agreed,” said Graham, settling in next to Ryan and gazing out over the landscape. “Don’t get me wrong, Doc, I love the mysteries. But there’s something to be said for a nice, quiet resort. Reminds me of the trip Grace and I took to Spain a year ago. We could just sit and enjoy a sandwich and my retirement.”

“You’re not going to eat a sandwich now, are you?” asked Ryan, turning his head to look at Graham, who only smiled and pulled out a sandwich in a plastic bag. Ryan groaned in fond exasperation. “Really, Grandad? Really?”

He shrugged, biting into the sandwich. As Graham chewed contentedly, the Doctor bounced, a little impatiently. 

“The water is supposed to be warm and has some really amazing restoration properties,” said the Doctor. “Anyone fancy a dip?”

“Nope,” said Graham, taking another bite. “I’m good here.”

“Same,” said Ryan, closing his eyes. “We did a lot of walking just now. And the stream is so far away. Can’t I just rest for a bit?”

“You can rest on the TARDIS!” complained the Doctor, scrunching her face. “Come on, fam, we might never come back here again. Don’t you want to see all there is to see, to explore what may never have been explored by your species before?”

“Again, nope,” said Ryan. “I’m good here.”

“I’ll come with you,” said Yaz. “Just the two of us, then. Girl bonding time. Yeah?”

The Doctor grinned at her. “Girl bonding time with Yaz? Brilliant.”

Yaz returned the grin, her stomach swooping slightly. Motioning Yaz towards a small trail, the Doctor bounded away, picking her way across the craggly trail. Yaz followed the Doctor’s coattails, her enthusiasm infectious. Soon, Ryan and Graham had disappeared into the distance as the Doctor continued to lead the way, past large boulders and small shrubs that gave way to towering trees. A cool breeze rustled the branches and leaves, the sound of rushing water growing louder with every passing minute. 

“Oh. Wow.”

Yaz stopped short when the trail abruptly hit the edge of the trees. The water gurgled happily in the streambed, calm and steady, swirling gently past them. Yaz couldn’t believe that only a short distance away, this same water would tumble over a massive cliff, hurtling towards the far away ground at dizzying speeds. 

“Wow is right,” said the Doctor, pausing next to Yaz before grinning an impish grin. “Shall we?”

She tossed her coat to the ground quickly, toeing off her boots and rolling up her trousers before jumping in with a big splash. Water immediately soaked her entire body, causing her clothes to cling to her body in painful detail that Yaz couldn’t help but notice. Shaking her hair out of her face, the Doctor turned expectantly to Yaz, the water rushing past her waist.

“You coming?”

“What was the point of rolling up your trousers if you were just going to jump in?” asked Yaz with a small laugh. 

The Doctor shrugged. “Dunno. Just felt right, I suppose.”

Yaz rolled her eyes, then copied the Doctor in removing her own coat and shoes. Carefully, she waded into the stream. Mud squished between her toes as water ran over her ankles. She sighed in contentment at the sensation. Closing her eyes, Yaz reveled in how the water soothed her sore feet. While travelling with the Doctor was always amazing, Ryan and Graham were right; the Doctor set a fast pace and sometimes, it was nice to enjoy the small things in life. 

Opening her eyes again, Yaz was greeted by a splash of water that hit her in the face. Sputtering in protest, she could hear the Doctor laughing brightly.

“ _Doctor!_ ”

“Come on,” shouted the Doctor. “Jump in! Get your hands dirty.”

Yaz clawed the hair clinging to her face away, then glared at the Doctor. “Oh, you’re going to regret saying that.” 

“Will I - _oi!_ ” 

The Doctor cut off, sputtering, as Yaz kicked the water and a wave smacked her in the face too, causing her hair to fly back into her mouth.

“Payback,” Yaz said smugly. “And while we’re at it -”

Yaz dove for the Doctor, smacking the top of the water to send another wave at her. Laughing, the Doctor caught her around her waist, pulling Yaz down further into the water with her. Completely soaked now, Yaz gave as good as she got, tousling with the Doctor like children in a swimming pool. 

“Do you give up?” said Yaz breathlessly as the Doctor broke their embrace to stagger away a couple of steps. 

“Not in a million years,” said the Doctor, her eyes sparkling with joy. “But maybe a truce for a bit?”

“Deal,” said Yaz. Clambering out of the water, she flopped onto a flat rock on the bank, lacing her fingers over her stomach. The Doctor settled next to her, her side pressing up against Yaz’s, her body warm through her soaked clothes. For a moment, they lay together, content in the comfortable silence and each other’s presence. Then, inadvertently, Yaz shivered. 

“Are you cold?” the Doctor asked, lifting her head up to look at Yaz. 

“Not really,” said Yaz, turning her head to meet the Doctor’s eyes. Her breath caught as she realized how close they were. Beads of water clung to the Doctor’s eyelashes, the light bouncing off the droplets like mini stars hung around her eyes, so close, yet still out of reach. Yaz swallowed. 

“You alright there, Yaz?” asked the Doctor, raising herself up onto an elbow to survey Yaz with a slight furrow between her eyebrows. “You’re breathing kind of fast and your pupils are dilated and -” She swooped forward suddenly and, before Yaz had time to process what was happening, had laid her ear on Yaz’s chest, right between her breasts. Then, just as suddenly, she’d pulled back. “Yup. Your heart is beating faster too. Everything alright? Haven’t worn you out too much, have I?”

“No!” said Yaz, a little too quickly for her own liking. Any chill the water soaking her clothes might have given was quickly banished by a spreading blush. “No, you haven’t. Erm…” She cast her mind for something, anything to distract the Doctor. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always, Yaz,” said the Doctor, a bright smile spreading across her face. “Oh, is this girl talk? I’ve always wanted to be a part of girl talk, never got the chance seeing as I was a man and everything. And guys never have guys talk, it’s just a bunch of trying to one up each other. But now, I gotta make up for it, right? Girl talk with Yaz, amazing!”

“Haveyoueverbeeninlovebefore?” she blurted out then immediately kicked herself as the Doctor’s smile slid from her face. 

“Why do you ask that?”

“Nothing, no reason, just forget about it -” Yaz kicked herself again. She'd ruined it, she knew she had, the quiet happiness that comes from being with a friend, and made it tense and awkward and -

“... a few times.” 

Yaz blinked. “What?”

“I’ve been in love a few times.” The Doctor sighed, lowering herself back down to lie on the rock and stare up at the sky, searching for clouds. “It’s the way of the universe, isn’t it? Stick around long enough and you’ll find someone you care for above all others, someone you’d jump on a bomb for, someone you’d give everything for, and all that.”

“... oh.”

“And you?”

“Oh! Erm…” Yaz’s heart started pounding again. “I mean… I don’t know? Not really. I’ve never been in a relationship before, never even had se-” 

She broke off, blushing harder than she ever had in her life. Why, dear god, had she admitted to the Doctor, someone she admired and cared for and worked hard to impress just to see a bright smile aimed in her direction, that she was a virgin?

But the Doctor didn’t look at her with pity, the way some of her other friends had when she’d admitted that. Instead, a small smile softened some of the guardedness around her eyes. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Yaz. I’ve always thought your society placed too much emphasis on sex and love and relationships. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time.”

“I… yeah, thanks, Doctor,” said Yaz. “I dunno, I just never really got asked out in school. I used to want someone, anyone to ask me out, so I could tick that box off like everyone else. Had a relationship, had sex. Done. And now… now, I’d rather wait for someone special. Is that daft?”

“I don’t think so,” said the Doctor. “I think it’s very admirable of you to hope and want that.”

“Really?”

“Definitely.” The Doctor wiggled around on the rock a bit, then turned back to Yaz. “Why’d you bring this up, though?”

“Nothing, I guess. No reason. Just…” Yaz trailed off, her eyes darting to the Doctor’s lips. 

“Just what?” whispered the Doctor, her eyes fastened on Yaz’s. 

Taking a deep breath, Yaz met the Doctor’s gaze. Hope and uncertainty danced in the Doctor’s eyes, a strand of her hair sticking to her cheek just below her left eye. Carefully, Yaz brushed it away, the water leaving a small, wet trail across the Doctor’s skin. Her hand lingered there, shaking slightly as Yaz prepared for the Doctor to move away.

But she didn’t.

So Yaz kissed her. 

Her mouth moved desperately across the Doctor’s as her hand buried itself deeper into the Doctor’s hair. The Doctor melted into her, shifting closer to Yaz, wrapping one leg around hers, opening her mouth to deepen the kiss. The sun warmed Yaz’s clothes, an odd contrast to the cool water that still weighed them down, the light it emitted pressing against Yaz’s eyelids, dying her world red. 

Finally, after a moment, after a day, after an eternity, the Doctor pulled back. A trail of saliva broke between them, coating Yaz’s lips. For a moment, Yaz stared at her, dumbstruck. Then she chuckled nervously.

“I, er….” Yaz bit her lip. She could still taste the Doctor on it. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.”

The Doctor flashed her a quick, tremulous smile. “I know.”

Yaz started. “You did?”

“I, er….” The Doctor shook her head, then got up and stretched. “Come on. We’ve been gone a long time. We should head back to the TARDIS soon.”

“Yeah, I… wait, what?” Yaz scrambled up as the Doctor began pulling on her boots again. “We’re not going to talk about this?”

“Talk about what?” asked the Doctor, tying one boot, her tongue poking through her teeth in concentration.

“Talk about…. I just kissed you, Doctor!” said Yaz. “Don’t you have something to say about that?”

The Doctor sighed, glancing up at her. “Yaz. Please, I can’t -”

“Oh,” said Yaz, cutting her off. Tears began to claw at her eyes. “Oh. I see how it is.”

“How what is?” asked the Doctor.

“Nothing, apparently!” 

Yaz pushed past the Doctor, grabbing at her coat angrily. But just before she could reach it, a gust of wind caught it, tossing it a few feet down the streambed onto a small patch of cleared gravel that glowed slightly. Making a frustrated noise, Yaz dove after the jacket.

“Yaz, _no_ ,” shouted the Doctor. “Don’t step ther-”

Yaz’s foot came down onto the gravel and a flash of light cut the Doctor’s voice off. And Yaz was falling, down, down, down, into darkness and silence so thick it pressed into her mouth to swallow any scream, pressed into her eyes, her ears, her nose until she knew no more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. so obviously..... the whole "post once a week" thing did not work. oops lol. tbh i've really lost a lot of interest in interacting with this fandom and specifically in posting fic. but i have a lot of this fic written. and i hate leaving things unfinished. thought about just deleting everything but my girlfriend did make some good arguments of leaving stuff up and finishing so... so i think what's going to happen is this won't be as highly edited as i normally do, so it might not be up to my normal standards. but id rather get it out and published and DONE rather than just let it sit in my drafts forever. so bear with me i guess. im trying. promise.
> 
> but after this, i def won't be writing fic anymore. i just don't have it in me.
> 
> and on that slightly downer note lol... enjoy?

“Yaz!”

The Doctor ran over to where she had been, only moments ago. Only moments ago, but now she was gone and her jacket fluttered in the breeze, lost. 

“Yaz!”

Silence.

“Yasmin!  _ Yasmin Khan.” _

But there was no answer to her calls. The place where Yaz had disappeared glittered one last time, then faded. A metallic tang filled the air and the Doctor tried to scrape it off her tongue with her teeth, disgusted. 

Long range teleport. What was a long range teleport doing there? Funny, it hadn’t looked like most long range teleports she’d seen, all stationary and with a large landing pad and direct and linear and easy to track between two locations only. Like so much of human technology. They could never think outside of their small, little lines, the lines of time that held them and constrained them and forced them to go one day into the next with no cheating. No, this had been all light and mobility and fluidity and disappearances and one moment here and the next moment gone. It was beautiful, really. A stunning feat of technology that she had never seen before, something that she couldn’t say very often. Not after years and years of travelling through time and space. She felt half a child again, young and spry like she had at the tender age of seventy.

She stifled a smile. Yaz would laugh at that and call her a daft old - 

Yaz.

The Doctor stood, frozen. Yaz’s coat fluttered forlornly in her hand, the last line she had to her. This couldn’t be happening, not again, no, no, no, no. They hadn’t even been doing anything dangerous, not like when she had lost Rose or Donna or Amy or -

It was just a bit of fun. A retreat planet. They should have been safe. 

Yaz should have been safe.

But she wasn’t.

She was gone.

She had to find her. 

Branches tore at her clothes as she raced back the way they had come, catching her briefly before breaking, the thin boughs shattering in her wake, unable to hold her. Despite the fear, despite the panic, a calm overtook her as the trail flew by under her feet. A calm that knew nothing would stop her, nothing could keep her from finding Yaz. 

Nothing would hold her back from doing whatever it took to bring Yaz home. 

The Doctor rounded a turn, the TARDIS bursting into view suddenly. At the sound of her footsteps, Graham cracked an eye open and lifted his head up from where he lay to frown at her in confusion. 

“Doc?”

When she didn’t respond to him, Graham leapt to his feet. 

“Doc? Is there something chasing you? You said this was an abandoned planet, there better not be anything chasing you.”

“Nope, nothing chasing me, Graham,” said the Doctor, unable to keep a note of annoyance out of her voice. “No time to talk right now though, sorry, Graham.”

“Hang on, where’s Yaz?” asked Ryan, shielding his eyes with one hand and squinting behind the Doctor. “Is she coming behind you? Hey, isn’t that her coat?”

The Doctor didn’t respond to him either, fumbling through her pockets for her key to the TARDIS. She stabbed it at the lock, cursing to herself when it scraped off the metal instead of going in. Angrily, she stabbed the key at the lock again, ignoring the way her hands shook, ignoring the rising panic in her throat. The TARDIS doors clicked open and she shoved her way through them, one door bouncing off the wall from the force. Ryan caught it as he followed her through to the central platform.

“Doc, you’re starting to scare me,” said Graham, hot on their heels. “Is everything alright?”

“Doctor,” Ryan said. “Doctor, where the bloody hell is Yaz?” 

“Gone.”

“ _ Gone _ ?” repeated Graham. “What do you mean, ‘gone?’” 

“Just that,” said the Doctor as she threw a lever. The TARDIS made its soothing whooshing sound to signal their takeoff. Yet it brought her no comfort, no mounting sense of excitement as the floor shook under their feet and she ran around the console to stabilize them, dropping Yaz’s coat in a heap on the floor. “She’s gone.”

“Well, where’s she gone to?” demanded Ryan, shadowing her footsteps.

“If I knew that, Ryan,” said the Doctor, finally spinning around to face him. He stumbled to a halt, his chest close to hers as he stared down into her eyes with a mirroring mounting alarm. “If I knew that, I wouldn’t still be standing here, talking to you.”

“What happened, Doc?” asked Graham quietly. “What’s going on? I haven’t seen you this frantic since… well, since that Dalek.”

She met his eyes over Ryan’s shoulder, acutely aware of how her face settled into a blank calm, the blank calm that she had learned over millennia of loss. Of how her shoulders set themselves, with the confidence of an inborn killer, one that had trained for centuries to gain the title of Time Lord. Of how death stalked in her eyes. 

“I lost her. She trusted me. And I lost her. I failed her.”

“Doctor, you didn’t fail her,” Ryan said. “What happened?”

“Long range teleport. She walked into a long range teleport station that shut down before I could go after her. And now she could be anywhere in the entire universe.”

“Well, that’s good!” said Graham. Ryan raised an eyebrow at him skeptically and he pulled a face back at his grandson. “That means she’s probably alive. That means you didn’t fail her, Doc. She’s probably fine and looking for ways to get back to us. And we can find her, yeah? You tracked the TARDIS across all of time and space when we first met with just some spare parts you found in a warehouse and some haphazard alien technology. And now you have this amazing technology you know how to use! The TARDIS must be able to track her somehow.” 

The Doctor shook her head. “I don’t have a lock on her coordinates, I don’t have anything to track her with. The teleport closed too quickly for me to get a sense of where it might have dropped her. And without even a general ballpark, we could spend centuries combing the galaxies for her. Do you know how big the universe is? All the possible places she could have ended up? Assuming, of course, that she ended up somewhere a human could survive without protection. I could track the TARDIS because it emits artron energ-”

Realization stunned her into silence. Excitement started to replace the horror, ballooning hope swelling in her chest, a glimmer, a shimmer of possibility if she could do this, if she could find the proper trail -

“You’ve got an idea, haven’t you,” said Ryan, a small grin quirking tentatively at the corners of his mouth. 

“Maybe,” said the Doctor, turning back to the TARDIS controls and starting to tap frantically at them. “Quite possibly. If I’m clever - and I’m very clever, I’m more than clever in fact, I’m brilliant - then I can track Yaz the same way I tracked the TARDIS.”

“How?” asked Graham. “You tracked the TARDIS with its energy signature. How does that help us now?”

“Because travelling in the TARDIS means that you lot have also started emitting artron energy,” said the Doctor, her mind only half focused on the conversation at hand. The other half raced ahead several steps, towards Yaz. “Sort of like if you hang out around radioactive materials, you’ll also become radioactive after a bit.”

“We’re radioactive?!” asked Graham, alarmed. “Blimey, Doc, you couldn’t have mentioned something about that earlier?”

“No, you’re not radioactive, Graham,” said the Doctor. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve merely started absorbing artron energy because of your frequent travels through the Time Vortex in a TARDIS. Obviously.”

“Oh, right, silly me,” muttered Graham. “Obviously.” 

The Doctor tuned him out as the TARDIS chirped at her.

“Yes, I know the trail’s faint,” she muttered. “I need you to foll- no! That’s not what I want.”

The TARDIS bleeped at her in annoyance. 

“Artron energ - yes! How hard is it to follow the artron energy trail? There’s only so many people who can emit it right now.”

The TARDIS whirred. 

She paused in consideration, Ryan and Graham exchanging a look behind her. 

“Yes, alright, fair,” the Doctor grudgingly admitted. “I’ll give you Clara.”

Another beep.

“And River.”

A small ding.

“And Martha. And Mickey. And Jack. Alright, you’ve made your point! Will you track Yaz now?”

Writing flashed across the wall monitors, lighting up the room in bursts of brilliance. Frowning, the Doctor ran her hand through her hair then leapt into action, running around to pull at the levers and flick switches rapidly. 

“Hey, Doctor, are you getting somewhere?” asked Ryan. “Can you track her?”

“Well, I’m trying,” said the Doctor. “But the TARDIS is having a bit of trouble getting a lock on her current position, the teleport beam was designed to scramble the emissions. To throw off anyone who might try to follow where it came from.” She wrinkled her nose. “Privacy concerns, and all that. I just need something for the TARDIS to grab on to, something that Yaz held close, something that might still hold a trace of her DNA or ...”

Something pricked at the corner of her mind, something important. Something that could be useful. Maybe a lock of Yaz’s hair or a used tissue or maybe her toothbrush? That could hold some residual DNA, yes, maybe, maybe, maybe. There was something there, but - 

Her foot caught on something soft and she stumbled a bit, losing her trail of thought. Frantically, she wracked her mind for a glimmer of a thought, a barest imprint of an idea that could help her, could help Yaz. 

Nothing.

She glared down at the offending object, anger building. She had been so close to figuring it out, so close, so close to finding Yaz, to getting her home, to keeping her safe, then this stupid  _ coat _ had to mess it all up, the coat that twisted around her ankles and -

The coat.

Yaz’s coat. 

Hardly daring to hope, the Doctor seized the coat. She held it up and stared at it for a brief moment, the image of another coat from another girl she had lost burning its way to the forefront of her mind, purple and small and lying innocently where she had left it before leaving the TARDIS for the last time. 

But Rose was gone. 

Yaz might not be gone. 

She  _ couldn’t _ be gone.

The Doctor wouldn’t let that happen. 

She refused to let that happen. 

“Doc?” asked Graham, putting a careful hand on her shoulder. “Are you-”

“Brilliant!” She snapped out of her stupor, threading the jacket into the TARDIS console. “Just need to stabilize the psychic teleports and then -”

She threw a final lever and the TARDIS shook again, throwing the boys to the ground. But she kept her balance, kept her hand fisted in the folds of cloth of Yaz’s jacket, holding on to it. 

Holding on to Yaz. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter three yall. finally lol. im so bored in quarantine that ive run out of other stuff to do and this has been nagging at me, so i finally touched up some stuff and got it semi ok. well, enough to publish lol. im sorry if the dialogue or character introductions is clunky, but i really just don't have the energy to spend on cleaning it up more. hope everyone is staying healthy and semi sane!
> 
> enjoy

_ A flash of light blinded her, burning itself onto her retinas. Spots flicked across the blank light as she fell, fell, fell.  _

_ Reaching out, she grabbed for something, for the warmth she had known only moments ago, in the blazing, comforting heat of the sun kissing her skin. Kissing her lips gently with softness that tasted of the cool, rushing water.  _

_ But it was out of her reach, the sunny smile she knew but couldn’t quite remember, the softness of a body lying next to hers. The person she knew would catch her. _

_ Yet her hands closed on nothing, her memory closed on nothing, and she continued to fall, fall, fall, fall, fall - _

  
  


Min bolted upright, her heart beating in her throat, reverberating through her skull and echoing in her ears. The covers fell to her waist as she buried her face in her hands. Her breaths rattled through her fingers. Slowly, slowly, her heart sank back down into its normal spot in her chest, the dream fading back into her subconscious. 

She frowned. Something in that dream had seemed important, had seemed like… 

Home. 

But the harder Min tried to hold onto the feeling, the faster it faded, washed away like a sandcastle as the tide rolled in. The grains of the dream slipped through her mind, dropping down into the crevices, settling in with the shattered remnants of other dreams, of memories out of her reach… 

“Good morning, my lady.”

Min dropped her hands to her lap quickly as her maid walked into her room. 

“Meng,” she said. She could feel her features stiffen, smoothing and pasting a pleasant expression on. The day’s performance had officially begun. “What news of the front?”

“Very little, my lady,” said Meng as she threw open the curtains with a slight metallic screech of rings against the rod. Light illuminated the room, banishing the night’s final shadows and demons. “Rebels have taken down our lines of communication.”

Min looked up at her sharply. “How?”

“They seemed to have gotten their hands on atomic flux grenades,” said Meng, bustling over to Min’s bed with a tray. Setting it down on a table, she folded Min’s covers back carefully before settling the tray onto her lap. As Min picked up her fork to begin picking at the food spread, Meng nodded approvingly then opened up the wardrobe to begin laying out clothes for the day. “Some black market, back alley routes supplied them, no doubt. Regardless, we’ve not had any communications for twelve hours now.” 

“Will they never learn?” mused Min. “If I’ve told the generals once, I’ve told them a thousand times: these rebels are smart. We need to pull back, let them come to us, on our ground. Less chance for them to take down our communication channels if they’re in the middle of the City. Spreading ourselves thin and hunting them over the fringe planets and the wilds doesn’t do us any favors. It simply lets them pick us off, one by one.”

“Yes, but you know the generals,” said Meng. “Stuck in their old patterns, always convinced that their way is the right way. Never mind that you’ve spent years studying strategy, they’ll always see you as just a child who does not possess their vast wealth of cunning and nerve.” 

“Until they try my way and find that it actually works.”

“I think that might overload their brains, the poor dears.” Meng laughed and held up two dresses for her consideration. “Now, which do you prefer, the green satin or the red stars?”

_ A bright red sweater, with a giant star on the front, a building sense of excitement as she realized she could soon maybe actually touch them - _

Min blinked and the excitement faded away. 

“The green, I think.” 

As Meng laced up the back of the gown, Min stared out the window to the City below. The vast expanses of the palace grounds stretched, rolling gently with hills and valleys. Orange grass rippled, the manicured lawns blanketed in the short strands. Far off, the lawns came to an abrupt halt against the outer walls of the palace complex. Beyond them, the City’s high rises towered into the air. Small, antish cars crawled through the air to weave in and around buildings in long, ribbon-like streams, ferrying hundreds, thousands, millions of people to and fro. If she squinted, Min could almost believe that she could see the people, the lives, within them. This one, a harried father wrestling with his children to force them to go to school. That one, an elderly woman, on her way to volunteer at her library. Another, a teenager just learning to drive, just starting to spread their wings, terrified of making a mistake. The next, two girls, giddy and in love and drunk on each other’s presence and their first kiss and the world of possibilities that had just, had  _ finally _ , opened to them. 

A world of possibilities that she could never have. 

_ But that’s okay _ , mused Min. They could have that world of possibility precisely because she stayed here. Because duty called her, duty to keep her people safe at any costs. Besides, she would never want that for herself. Never knowing what came next, never knowing what was around the next corner… that would terrify her. Better that she stay here, in her little corner of the wide universe, in what she knew like the back of her hand. Those people, they could want to explore, to roam. But her? She just wanted to continue the work she had known for as long as she could remember. She didn’t want more.

The laces of the dress jerked tighter. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


The doors glided open in front of her, as if by magic. Min strode through them, her gown rustling and murmuring gently around her feet. As she entered, chairs scraped the floor loudly as their occupants rose to their feet. 

“My lady. How kind of you to grace us with your presence.”

“Grand Earl Ravenway,” said Min as she swept up the long room. Settling into an empty chair at the head of the table, she fussed with the folds of her skirt to settle them just so. Then, with a small, feigned start, she looked back up at the ministers who still stood, hanging on her next words. “Please, continue. I have no wish to interrupt.” 

“Yes, my lady,” said Ravenway. At his nod, the others in the room hurriedly sat, their chairs scraping against the ground again. As she sat, Galae, the minister of alien affairs, gave Min the barest glimmer of a wink. Once the cacophony had died out again, Ravenway turned back to Min. “However, be that as it may, perhaps this conversation may not be best suited for...”

“For what?” asked Min innocently. 

“For your delicate health, my lady,” interjected Drem, the minister of commerce. “After all, you’ve only just recovered from another episode. We’ve no wish to cause any undue stress to you.” 

Min raised an eyebrow. 

“I thank you for your concern, my lord,” she said. “But I assure you, I am quite recovered and well up to the vigors and stresses of the empire’s reign. Besides, will I not rule over all of this one day? Is it not better for me to become accustomed to working under the strain of rule with my condition now, than when there is no one else to help me shoulder the burden?” 

“Well, perhaps, but -”

“And is it not better,” continued Min smoothly. “That I understand what is happening in the Dawning Empire, so that I may continue to know my limits? You should understand this lesson quite well, my lord. After all, are you not demonstrating right now that you know when to leave the decisions to someone with more knowledge of the situation? Very commendable of you, and I thank you for it.” 

Drem sat back in his chair, closing his mouth with an audible snap. Ravenway shot an annoyed look at him before turning back to Min. An understanding smile slipped onto his face, the motion oily and sharp. 

“As you wish, my lady,” he said, nodding to her slightly. “I bow to your wishes, as always. Minister of Defense, Lord Roswel, continue, if you will.” 

A stuffy old man raised his head tremulously, then cleared his throat impotently. 

“Yes, well, the rebel forces have started pushing out,” he began, his voice quivering on each words, cracking and halting and lilting strangely. He hacked out a cough. “Started pushing out from where we have contained them, yes. Even now, they press out into the Fringes, into other planets in the Empire, into the City itself. We _ must  _ do something to  _ stop _ this.” 

“What can we do?” said the minister of domestic affairs, Maise. She looked around the table demandingly before continuing. “We have tried almost everything. But everytime we stomp out another nest of rebels, two more pop up in their place. They’re an infestation, scuttling from place to place, never meeting our armies in combat. They pick us off one by one, then disappear before we can retaliate. We simply don’t have the forces to continue to wage this war.” 

“So we do not continue like this,” said Min, unable to resist. “We’ve had this conversation a thousand times before. Each time, you insist on sending more troops out to die. It is unsustainable; this is one war we simply cannot win by throwing more man power at it. And it’s a war we cannot afford to lose.” 

“And what would you suggest?” asked the minister, raising her eyebrow. 

Min glanced around, skeptical faces surrounding her.

“We’ll pull back. Concentrate our forces in the City, on our ground. Force them to come to us. Present a large enough target, they will not be able to resist. They cannot leave any of us standing, not if they want to win. Then we can close the trap, and wipe them out, once and for all. End this revolution with such a bloody bang that none shall follow in their steps for a hundred years.”

“Or, if we pull back, they will continue to multiply,” said Roswel. He coughed again. “Pulling back will give them free rein among the people on the Fringes. They’ll spread their bile, their propaganda, and we’ll have a worse problem than when we started out.”

“Then we take a page from their book,” said Min, leaning forward slightly. She stared down Roswel, who humphed and dropped his gaze. “As we pull back our main forces, we send in sleeper troops. Enough with the uniforms and the pomp and the glorious, honest battle fantasy. Let them think that they’ve won, that we’re retreating. Then, our agents can goad them into attacking when they’re not ready. And we spring the trap. Wipe them out once and for all.”

A few ministers nodded, and Min forced down her building excitement. She could sway them, she could see the cracks in their unified wall, she was so close, if only she could -

Ravenway cleared his throat and all eyes swung to him again. The cracks closed as he surveyed them and Min forced down a rising sense of anger. 

“Yes, well, about that…” Ravenway steepled his fingers together, resting his elbows on the arms of his chair. “I’ve been meaning to tell the lot of you. However, this deal has only just been finalized and I had no desire to speak before the dust has settled, as it were.”

“Well, man?” said Drem. “Stop dallying about and tell us.”

For a moment, Ravenway did not speak. Obviously savoring the complete and undivided attention, he took a moment to glance each minister in the eye before finally turning to Min. He nodded slightly, his smile unwavering. But beneath the veneer of mild, bland happiness, an unreadable, sinister  _ something _ lurked in the depths of his eyes. Min tried not to let her own pleasant smile falter under his scrutiny. But she couldn’t suppress her uneasiness at this new murkiness in his normally warm and caring eyes. And then, just like that, the darkness vanished to leave only Ravenway, a man she’d known since childhood. 

“With the emperor’s blessings, I have been in contact with… some people in the Sunset Empire. For quite some time now.”

There was a sudden outbreak of murmuring around the table. 

“The Sunset Empire?” ventured Galae. She looked around the table for support before turning back to Ravenway. “We’ve been fighting against them for just as long - no, longer!- than we have against these rebels. How could you think to turn to  _ them _ ?”

“This was not some spur of the moment decision, nor was it the result of any weakness on our part,” said Ravenway. “This is something that will mutually benefit the both of us.”

“How did this begin?” demanded Galae. “Did they come to us?”

“No. No, I initiated contact. But -”

Another outcry burst out, and Ravenway struggled to make himself heard above it. Irrationally, Min smiled to herself. 

“But that does not mean that they had the upper hand. Far from it, in fact.”

“Well?” said Min. “What have they conceded to us, then?”

The room fell silent at her words. A silence so thick, it pressed on Min’s ears, overwhelming her with the buzzing, humming, throbbing hush. She could feel her heartbeat, the blood rushing through her head, giving her life, giving her one more second. Seconds were so precious, especially after every childhood illness that had threatened to take her life, to take her country, away from her. 

Ravenway opened his mouth, then closed it again. Sighing briefly, he touched his steepled fingers to his lips, then dropped them to his lap.

“They’ve given us the answer to this war.”

“Which is what?” quavered Roswel. 

“I dare not say.”

Min braced herself for another uproar. Yet the silence in the room did not shatter, did not breathe. It blanketed them, lay on them, dead and deafening. 

“However, suffice it to say that what they have given us will answer this question of the rebels, will answer the whole future of this empire. A priceless gift.”

“And what did they demand in return for this ‘priceless gift?’” asked Min. “We’ve been at war for centuries. I find it hard to believe they would just simply give us this without something far greater promised in return. So, Grand Earl Ravenway. What have you given away?”

He lifted an eyebrow briefly. 

“You.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise it'll get explained further, if yall are confused rn. bear with me. (bare? bear? im pretty sure its bear.) ill try to keep editing and writing and just get this fic done while in quarantine, so hopefully yall won't have too much of a wait before explanations. let me know what yall think or theorize tho!

**Author's Note:**

> what'd yall think? lemme know


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